I got a call from a friend who asked me if I could help out her friends who recently separated.
They had been married for only a few years but had already left him several times before. She recently left him because of his drinking and apparent infidelity.
She had severe anger issues that stemmed from old heartbreaks and betrayal and would disappear for days every time she got fed up.
In speaking with her during our consult, she shared that she had lost all hope and didn’t think he would ever change yet I could tell she still loved him. The story always came back to his drinking. The infidelity was the stick that broke the camel’s back.
Alcoholism really kills off any love and connection. People are left feeling alone, abandoned, angry, duped, and unloved. As someone who had to deal with the devastating impacts of an alcoholic family member, I know firsthand what it’s like to be with someone who is not themselves whenever they were inebriated; the lies, the inappropriate behaviour and language, the physical danger and how it impacts the people they love.
During that first consult, a lot of anger, accusations, and frustration was shown. He was trying to apologize, while she fought hard to resist and avoid interacting with him. No one was actually listening and so I had to intervene. I like to call it “a loving interruption”.
First, I asked her to stop yelling at him and speak with respect, since I knew that was one of her core values. Over the next 10 minutes, I watched her soften, and saw her go from angry to sad and vulnerable. I knew the tears was a good sign; the wall was finally starting to come down. I watched them go from fighting and not listening to each other…to her caressing his neck and back and him pulling her in for a hug.
That was week 1. Over the next 2 weeks, we talked about where her anger issues started, what they want to create for their future together, and their communication and listening skills. In just 3 weeks, they went from hopeless to happy, from lonely to loved, and before the end of the 3rd week together, she had moved back after being separated for over 4 months.
When two people truly have a commitment to making things work, get responsible for the mess they made and the impact on others, anything is possible including love, healing and forgiveness.
I got present to how quickly things can be turned around in a matter of minutes. From hate to love.
From pain to joy.
I have the best job in the world.