When you look at happy couples together, gratitude and appreciation are always present in the space between them. When we can be grateful for each other; it’s not just about being grateful for what we have done or given each other, but it’s about just being thankful. Just because.
Think about children. We love them, not because they do anything for us. No, we love them because we love them. What if we took that same idea and attitude towards our partner? “But s/he’s not a child. Children are different.” Well, consider we all have our 5 year old very much alive within us; wanting to play, to belong, feels lonely, and can often have temper tantrums and do stupid things.
We set such high expectations for ourselves and even a higher one for our partners. So high, that it can often be unreasonable and unreachable. People can feel discouraged, never feeling good enough to meet those expectations. And then if they make the attempt, and fail, we punish them for it, making them feel bad and even getting angry with them. How soul-crushing is that!?
Social media and our society has distorted what love is, looks like, what’s it’s not, and has been all about self; ME ME ME!! We have forgotten that love isn’t just about receiving it, but more accurately giving it. We get so caught up in the “What have you done for me lately?” mentality and now, we have never been more depressed, suicidal, and eager to sign divorce papers than ever before.
When couples come to me for their first session, these distinctions are not present. In fact, just getting them to recount the things that they appreciate about the other starts to slowly shift their perception of their partner. The ego starts to relax, the stubbornness starts to subside, and hurt replaces the anger, and that’s when the healing can begin.
Vulnerability is the main ingredient to feeling truly loved and accepted. Yet, most of us avoid it like the plague. “Vulnerability is weakness”, many would say. So what do we do? We put up high cement walls around us making us untouchable. Yes we are safe, but man, it’s so very lonely. I’ve been here before so I’m talking from experience.
When we can appreciate everything in our lives, we are able to create positive changes in our lives, having the ability to live a life that makes us happy and feels us with joy and aliveness. The hard part is appreciating even the not-so-awesome parts of life. You know, the challenges, the breakdowns, the accidents and disappointments and failures. There is so much power when you can actually be with what’s so. No resistance, no wrong-making, no shoulds, no expectations. Just knowing that it is the way it is because it is the way it is with no extra story added. I’ve been diligently practicing this in my life for the past couple of years and it has done wonders for my stress levels, sleep, energy, and peace.
As humans, we are wired to focus on what’s wrong, rather than what’s right, which can lead us down a dark and lonely path of resentment, disappointment, and alienation. What if you focussed on all the good qualities of the people in your life? Even better, what if you focussed on all YOUR good qualities instead of beating yourself up every time you notice that un-perfect you are. Why do we do that to ourselves? Perhaps its the same reason why we prefer hearing news that’s tragic rather than good and uplifting news.
Look around: you have so much to be grateful for. Yes, things might be challenging right now, but never forget that “This too shall pass.” Don’t live your life obsessing about all the reasons why your life sucks, rather focus on all the miracles, blessings, memories, opportunities, and amazing life lessons that you have had the chance to experience. If you have a hard time thinking of things, go for a walk in a cemetary and visit all the young people who didn’t even get the chance to experience all of what life has to offer.
You have a gift. It’s called Life. It’s no mistake that you are here right now. So what are you going to do with the time you have left?
What’s on your Bucket List? Go do them.
Who have you still to forgive? Go talk to them.
What dreams do you still have to realize?
Commit to fulfilling on them and then give me a call 😉