What does “support” mean? To most people, mental health care means therapy. It’s a tried and tested approach to improving mental health outcomes, with decades of research behind it. That will never change, but therapy simply cannot reach everyone who needs support. There is a dramatic shortage of licensed therapists in the U.S. and beyond, and that problem is not solvable overnight. That shortage means new clients spend time on waiting lists, not getting care.

Whether I’m talking to an interested prospect at a consult or lying face down on a massage table, people love to pick my brain. They often tell me about their current relationship; how it’s going and are constantly asking me questions like: “How do I know if my marriage can be saved?” or “what advice can you give me about XYZ?” so here are the top 10 most frequently asked questions I get with some of my responses.

I was initially drawn to this new mind-body-brain topic for personal reasons. I’ve been doing the inner work on myself for the past 25 years to overcome my own personal experiences of childhood trauma, abuse, bullying, and family separation. Many people who know my story know that my dad cheated on my mom, had another child with my mom’s best friend and left us when I was just 9 years old. And although my parents did eventually reconcile, I realized many years later that I hadn’t fully healed from that experience.

I recently did a certification course around Energetic medicine as it relates to healing emotional trauma by reprogramming the brain using the mind and it absolutely blew my mind! Here are some key points that I learned about and why I’m so excited to integrate this new discovery and methodology with my clients.

Neuroscience, energetic medicine, and quantum physics have been hot topics over the past decade or so, and it’s only now becoming mainstream and more people are benefiting from the new scientific discoveries around the brain and the mind-body connection.

Let’s first talk about the conscious mind.

Why do Marriages Fail? This is a question on every interview I do so I’m going to share what I think, knowing what I know, hearing what I hear, having gone through the deep and dark hells I’ve gone through in my own life including my own experience with divorce, as well as now being able to live the dream that I never thought possible.

Imagine for a moment what it would be like if you would finally let go of that anger you had towards yourself, your parents, your family, that kid who bullied you in 3rd grade and not feel your blood pressure rise or feel like you want to run and hide? And instead of feeling hate, anger, pain, and betrayal… you instead feel compassion and forgiveness for them?

Consider that you are the sum of everything you have ever been or experienced. It is believed that all trauma starts from childhood and that the most destructive behaviour patterns experienced by us are related to our inner child, and that our lack of conscious understanding of our inner child, is what leads to our emotional, behavioural, and relationship difficulties. We may have matured biologically but we have not developed psychologically at the same pace.

As long as the enabler is giving permission to the Taker (also knowns as the addict) to do the acts that he/she is doing, the vicious circle never ends. The addict never has to admit they have a problem, and the enabler has his/her needs met by providing something that makes someone feel better, allowing them to feel needed and wanted.

It sounds like romance is very important to you and you have some unmet expectations and it’s making you feel unloved, disappointed, and resentful. So what does ‘romance’ mean to you? It is different for every person. Does he even know? Remember, romance is mostly a woman thing. Men don’t naturally resonate with romance unless he is told what actions are expected.

Here’s the reality: you can’t change your partner and their habits. That can only be done by them when they are ready for it but not a moment sooner. You can only change yourself. Making changes for anyone else but yourself doesn’t work. It doesn’t stick. You need to make those changes because you know and feel deep down it needs to be done to be the best version of yourself you can be for you and everyone else around you.

How we respond or react from a feeling we get when we are in a situation that doesn’t feel good to us, are our very own unique coping mechanisms that typically stem from our childhood. Watching our own parents cope in stressful situations, has a way of seeping into our memories and creating what soon becomes our adult coping skills. Though some of our coping skills may be useful at times, there are others that are not.

I hate to say it but perhaps he just doesn’t have capacity for this and that’s okay. That’s a lot to ask from some men esp. those that are not in touch with emotions and are a bit more of a stoic man. I would suggest not expecting too much from him on this topic if it's messing with your relationship. He’s not equipped to support you the way you expect him to so find someone who has experience with this and can hold space for you.

Absence of compassion, or the capacity to feel how someone else is feeling, is one of the trademark attributes of a narcissist. Ask yourself: Does your partner care when you've had an awful day at work, fight with your closest friends, or fight with your parents? Ordo they get exhausted when you express the things making you sad?

Alcoholism really kills off any love and connection. People are left feeling alone, abandoned, angry, duped, and unloved. As someone who had to deal with the devastating impacts of an alcoholic family member, I know firsthand what it’s like to be with someone who is not themselves whenever they were inebriated; the lies, the inappropriate behaviour and language, the physical danger and how it impacts the people they love.

I meet with a lot of different people each day, all trying to figure out why they are unhappy in their marriage or why relationship isn’t working. They all want to find some sort of common ground of understanding. However, many couples don’t realize that they are a lot more similar than they think and usually want the same thing: To be happy and to stay married.

Marriage is an important and life-changing choice; to be committed to one person. The person who you want to go through life with you. To be your teammate, your partner, your confidante. The person whom you can feel you can trust with your fragile heart. The only problem is: They aren’t perfect and neither of you. And yet, we can be so harsh and judgemental. Why is that?

For those that love hearing those words, (me included), it’s like music to their ears. It puts any insecurities to rest and validates their relationship whenever they are told how much they are loved. If your love language if Words of Affirmation, this would be how you prefer to be loved. If this is the case, you love to be appreciated. It makes your day when people tell you that you’ve made a difference in their life. When your partner offers a compliment, you have a bodily sensation.